dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
