I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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