I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
