so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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