I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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