He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
