does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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