Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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