There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
