sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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