I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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