Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
