I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize