totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
