Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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