she peed on how many people?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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