I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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