I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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