eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
