she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
