what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
