great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize