put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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