Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize