Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
