Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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