Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize