guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
barbara walters just said penis...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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