No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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