i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
