plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
