I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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