I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
