Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
