so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She bit a glass in half.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....