his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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