Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
