will power is for people who don't want to get laid
someone owes me an orgasm
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left