I've blown a few things in my day
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Found your dick twin last night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
