3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
