I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
