It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
