When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
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Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize