She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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