last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
