You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
