so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
