Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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