DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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