so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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