Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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