Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
