I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
