I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
