my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
