At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
