im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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