nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
