I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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