do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
