We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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