I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
