Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
