I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
