I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
