So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
