I need to stop coming to work sober
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
