I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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