If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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