his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
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