I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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